Conflict central in the lives of adolescents

This topic is an unfamiliar one to me, since I am not an adolescent anymore (thank God!). Being an adolescent in this day and age is so much harder than when I was growing up. To pick one conflict is impossible. And that is why I believe that that is the topic of my blog today.

Growing up in this part of the country is not easy for kids. The pressure from school, parents, and friends is unbelievable. I think this pressure starts at a very young age and only gets worse as the children get older. I saw this pressure in action when my children were still in elementary school. My daughter was playing on a soccer team and I first handedly witnessed the competition between the mothers of the girls on the team. Everyone was bragging about their car, their house, the construction on their house, etc. The girls were sized up by what the parents were 'complaining' about, and playdates were arranged by the mothers, and certain friendships encouraged, others discouraged. I was flabbergasted. My kids picked out their own friends and never once did they look at the external qualities of the lives of their friends, but rather at the internal qualities of their friends. Needless to say that, when children grow up with parents like that, they will start to look at the world in the same way their parents do.  This means that when they get older they are all striving to fit in to the 'perfect' world.  This causes them a lot of stress, because at this point they are trying to find who they are as people. And how can they find out who they are, when they always have to try to be what someone else wants them to be? If they do not fit the bill, they are on the outs, and often times  then get bullied, or start to suffer from mental health issues. It is sad to say that now, more than ever, suicide is on the rise and I believe it is because of all the pressures that are being put upon them.

The pressure to fit in does not only come from their friends, but also from their parents. As we can see from the beginning of my blog, these parents want their children to have the right friends, wear the right clothes, join the right clubs, get the best grades and then, finally, get into the best college. The stress on the young adults comes from their friends, from the school, and from the parents.  I am a firm believer that the change has to start at home.  Why do children have to be involved in so many extra curricular activities? The school days are very long. All day long kids are being told what to do, how to do it, be quiet, do this, do that, if you don't do this then.... etc. When the kids come home they need to be able to just chill. Do nothing. Nobody ever does nothing anymore. I used to lay down in the field on the farm of my aunt, which was situated right next to a railroad track. I loved to lay there in the summer, looking at the shapes of the clouds passing by. The tall grass would tickle the bottom of my bare feet and my face, the sound of the bugs buzzing overhead, and the sun on my face. Then, faintly, in the distance, I would hear the whistle of a train. It would get louder and louder, until it roared by the field. The sound of the clickety clack booming by, then getting softer and softer as the train kept going. It was great! I was ten at the time, and I still remember this now that I am 51. I was doing nothing. We should allow our children more time to do nothing. To be by themselves, find out who they are, what is important to them. They need to learn to be still, so they can listen to the voice inside of them, telling them who they are. And as parents we need to encourage this, not add more to their already full plates. Parents need to worry about what is good for their child, and less about how their child's activities and accomplishments reflect on them. Only when we listen to them will they be able to withstand the pressures of growing up.